Falling on 30

it's ok to be alone.

2010-08-04T17:30:00.000-06:00

more luv

2010-05-19T14:31:00.001-06:00

i love my new chapstick.

mmmmmmmm

its Cinnabon.

seriously yummy. and smooth. not like the ones you need every 6 seconds.

Just sayin'

my new life

2010-05-10T09:00:00.001-06:00

It actually feels like I have a new life.

I feel better more often. I have been having the occasional illegal food item now and then, and usually feel some variation of gross after. but have been finding out that some things are better than others.
[obviously]
but not by small amounts. by leaps and bounds.

Cheezies. Make me crampy. like raging cramps that hurt and make me want to cry a bit.

Rye toast and honey - pretty OK. perhaps a bit gassy.

Rice crackers and goat cheese. - zero ill effect. but its not a bad food, its all allowable. perhaps not in the quantities I consume it. but it really is a HUGE treat. I LOVE goat cheese.

Cheese cake [ bought a small individual one from safeway] YUM and i felt fine after.

2 slices of kraft singles cheese on rye toast.
[ I had only 2 slices left in my fridge from before all this.... ]
- incredibly bloated and gassy and uncomfortable for quite a long time after. like HOURS and HOURS

Fresh strawberries, cut up and served with Chocolate Almond breeze 'milk' - super delicious and no problems because both items are on the allowed list.

I have found that even one beer, makes me wake up with dry mouth that can only be compared to an attempt at sucking the moisture out of desert sand. and seemingly no amount of water can help me cure it.

when I eat bad things, my tonsils get very angry and inflamed and large and sore. but will calm right back down [with in a day] if I cease the bad food.

somethings make me very snotty and phlem-y but i haven't nailed down exactly what it is yet.

I pretty much have to get up middle of the night to pee, every night. but blame it on the water intake.

I taste things more. like taste sensitivity has sky rocketed. Prior to all this, Tap water tasted like water. bottled water tasted like water. there wasn't a huge difference. subtle maybe, but not anything big. NOW? omg. tap water is bordering on gross. I taste the processing? the chemicals? the chlorine. whatever it is, i taste it all. and wondering what i should do about it. Britta? by the big jugs of water? get an on tap filter?

Making a bowl of steamed veggies and lentils for lunch doesn't seem weird now. or forced.
I always have veggies in my fridge, before I rarely did.
i dont miss meat as much as i thought I would. Even though I can eat it, i find I rarely do.

my clothes that fit tightly, fall off me now, and i MUST use a belt.

i knew, without a doubt, that 2010 would bring change. I did not know in what form.

i'm thinking this is it... this is was had to happen.

I wanna be a part of something I dont know

2010-05-08T14:51:00.000-06:00

I LOVE the new miley song.

Like seriously. Love it.

Can't be Tamed

and I am not embarrased about it. LOVE IT

Dance around my living room love it.

pop quiz

2010-05-05T12:50:00.001-06:00

after eating very well for the past 2 days and feeling WAY better than the weekend.

i followed my lunch with a handful of Hawkins Cheesies.

How do I feel? [choose all that apply]

A. awesome
B. like hell
C. cramping
D. i should follow it up with a DQ blizzard

Ok. go...

No Title

2010-05-05T09:40:00.001-06:00

I am starting to finish up some of the bottles of pills I have to take.

it'll be cool not to have to take like 9 things with breakfast, 3 or so is do-able.

sniffles are subsiding seemingly as quickly as they came.

May is looking to be appointments galore.

May 4, 6, 7, 12, 19, 26, ~~already booked.

and likely a few more in the next few weeks that haven't been booked yet.

i am MONDO glad this is mostly covered by my benefits.

i likely wouldn't be doing it otherwise. I don't think i could afford it.

the weekend - END

2010-05-03T09:10:00.001-06:00

its over.

The mental need to eat what I previously did not. over
The need for foods i was forbidden. over
Cheese, Wheat, processed, deep fried. over

Since my appointment on Wednesday, I made a decision, to eat what i wanted, with the thought in mind that Monday, i'd go back to the veggies. Back to the new normal.

I accepted that I would likely feel bad. Maybe get the runs, stomach pain, something.

I didn't expect this.

the state I am in now.

Can be described similar to hay fever, or a horrific cold. but its not a cold, and its not hay fever.

I have not suffered from Hay fever my whole life. I don't think I'd be starting now.
and although i have the symptoms of a cold. there is a major difference that there is no bacteria / virus involved. That much I can feel. I don't feel "sick", i don't feel my body is invaded. I feel my body is waging war on my stomach and its contents.

which is exactly what happened this weekend. War.

I kept dropping bomb after bomb. assaulting my system.

I ate _____ (insert pretty much any meal for the past 4 days.) knowing that my stomach couldn't take it. and then a few hours later, I'd drop another bomb down the hatch, by way of pizza, subway, cheezies, beer.

I felt poorly, heavy, over full, gross. I slept horribly. but i still ate whatever my brain wanted. whatever I could think up. I dipped stuff in ranch dressing. I ate more than my stomach could hold. and then had the last piece just because.

I sat on the couch and held my stomach, with a pang of regret. but then went into the kicthen to find more snacks.

I would cry. ramdomly, for no reason. not out of guilt, or pain. but just because. triggerless crying because my emotions were also affected as much as my body was physically. I felt sad at times. elated at others. motivated to clean. but not knowing how to get off the couch to start. The dog food I bought on friday still sits in the trunk of my car. but i did finally mop the floors on Sunday evening after avoiding it all weekend.

I'd walk past the mirror, and pause, doing a double take, at the sheer size of my boated belly. it was hard, and pushed out, and uncomfortable. I had a gatorade. I prefered sweats.

I wanted to do nothing but sleep. and eat more. and eat nothing. and drink water. torn.

its monday.

I feel like i went on a bender. which i did. but not of the alcohol variety. it was a food bender.

and lunch is steamed rainbow Chard. Mango as a snack, Carrots as another snack. water.

dinner will be broccoli, or butternut squash.

tomorrow, I have 3 appointments. all to aid digestion.

i'm hoping for a fast reset. That the sniffly, sneezy, allergy feeling.... goes away fast.

time will tell.

pills

2010-04-30T13:48:00.001-06:00

some of the stuff i have to take....daily, or with every meal, or before bed,

its random. but here's the list

Pan -Ox -5

Multi-Probiotics

Multi-Glyco

HMF powder or here

LVDTX

Citracidal

Bio-Enzymes

Ashwagandha

some times its overwhelming, because swallowing pills, even if they are meant to fix everything, can be a serious chore.

especially when breakfast is 9 in total..

a little while later..

2010-04-30T11:21:00.001-06:00

i'm feeling better. not so much the world is going to end. but still not like before the cheat food.

but my right nostril is still dripping... and i dont have a cold, nor am I coming down with one..

if you had any doubts before...

2010-04-30T07:41:00.001-06:00

today is a big bad gloomy horrible day. its only 7:21 am.

i know now that it started last night. I was WAY unmotivated. i didnt even make myself a proper dinner.

I sat on the couch, i was freezing. i couldn't get warm.. I wondered if 7 pm was too early for bed. I stayed up until 10 pm anyways

this morning. the alarm went off and in my head i cursed as I hit the snooze button.

stupid morning, stupid alarm, its warm in my bed.

I meander to the bathroom to be greeted with eye goo. my eyes kind of sting and i look in the mirror. its been about a month since i had any of this. its not over the top, but its here. where it hasn't been lately.

my right nostril / sinus is full and not amount of blowing is going to make the feeling go away. its just... stuffy, congested. i tried a few times. no luck.

I showered, the steam did nothing to fix my nose problem, i fished more goo out of my eyes.

i got dressed. grumbled into the kitchen, ate breakfast. I have a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach, i woke up a bit bloated.

I feel ....UGH! .... slow heavy, tired, cranky, like i want to curl up in my bed and cry,, or sleep, or both. I want to watch sappy movies on the couch under a pile of blankets.

i want to turn off my phone. close my office door, i dont want to talk, make small talk, smile.

but part of me knows. without a doubt, that this is ALL because i have been not eating veggies. Because I have been eating things my body has detoxed itself from.

I had subway for lunch yesterday, i had a small small piece of cake yesterday afternoon to celebrate some office birthdays, i had ice cream and ribs the day before.

in what I have eaten lately regardles of how small the quantity, the following has been consumed in some form.....i have had salt, cheese, bread, milk, sugar, preservatives, hot sauce, pork, bacon, ham, turkey, brownie chunks, icing, cake, cheesies.

and for the 25 days prior, i didn't have a single sniff of any of that.

i feel horrific. Lunch today is steamed Chard and Cauliflower, with a pear or an avocado as a snack. I am so excited. I have high hopes that it'll make me feel better. or at least not worse?

I WANT it to make me feel better.

I will be ok today, i will smile, and talk and act differently than how i feel inside.

but it won't be how I feel inside...

science project

2010-04-29T13:05:00.001-06:00

Let's not kid ourselves... the next few days are going to have a lot of food that i shouldn't generally be eating. [ or will they? ]

Last night was ribs and ice cream [ i skipped the beer]

today I had subway.

i consumed it starting at about 11:55 am.... its now 12:57 pm. and I have already gone to the washroom ...

i won't get into the gory details about how that went.. but it was quick.. if you catch my drift.

my stomach is gurgling and wholly unhappy with me.

FAIL.

Prior to the 25 days of veggies. I could eat subway with seemingly no ill effect.

well now... i am not feeling too hot..

infact i am feeling strangely similar to the BIG MAC day.

complete with hot flashes, and flushed red skin. and HOT. my feet are STEAMING right now.

what did I eat at subway?

Turkey ham club. on whole wheat bread. cheese yes, all veggies aside from jalapenos and onions.

It was good, I enjoyed every bite. but I am kind of wishing I just brought in a lunch of steamed veggies.

Regret will undoubtedly keep me on track way more than I planned on. On wed morning. I would have said regret would have no say in my diet.

it's having a huge say.

it gets worse

2010-04-28T16:02:00.001-06:00

i had my appointment, thats a whole different post.. needmore time to think about what to say and how to say it.

but when i got back to the office i had some peanut m&m's

about 15 - 20. no more.

and i currently want to curl up and die.

i have constant physical pain in my stomach, that is kind of pulsating...like a cramp.

from moderately painful, to really painful.

so experiment #1 after 25 days of only veggies.

Epic fail

not worth it. I'd give back the candies in a heart beat.

oh man

2010-04-28T11:34:00.001-06:00

I thought today would never come.

but it came. and then this morning, felt like i had 2 more days to wait, but it was only 5 hours.

and now...

less than 30 min before i get in the car to drive there.

excited?

i think so.

umm

2010-04-28T07:59:00.001-06:00

I have a lot of white hair.

a lot

tonight

2010-04-27T12:03:00.001-06:00

i think tonight will be the hardest night...

appointment is tomorrow at 12:30.

so close to being done.

yet still not allowed to eat anything other than veggies..

sooooooooooo close.

so close.

new policies

2010-04-27T08:04:00.001-06:00

since the departure of a large negative force in my life last spring. Over a whole year ago....

I (think I) have had a pretty strict no bullshit policy. for the most part I have been sticking to it.

Occasionally over the last year, i have gotten caught up in things. But mostly. I haven't.

Other peoples shit, is just that. Other peoples shit.

I have to be thankful. Without that year+ of bullshit. I wouldn't have learned a few lessons that I did. The hard way perhaps, but in any case. learned.

and I find I deal with things better, more efficiently, calmer.

and I like how that feels.

i made it

2010-04-25T08:55:00.001-06:00

3 whole weeks of vegetables only.

still 3 days to go though. appointment in on Wednesday at 12:30.

i can't wait!

AND!!

2010-04-21T19:34:00.002-06:00

I have had 4 pairs of jeans in my closet since the fall of 2007. I was smaller back then, thinner after spending the summer participating in bootcamps to get in shape.

I went shopping. and bought 4 pairs of [expensive] jeans that fit then. as they were supposed to. then....

there is one pair I never wore before i gained too much weight to fit into them.

other pairs, i wore maybe once. maybe twice. but no more.

and they have been sitting in the back of my closet ever since. i didn't have the heart to get rid of them. i couldn't part with them.

i put them on [ tried to] several times over the years. but they were too tight. they were uncomfortable to stand in, even more uncomfortable to sit in, and gave me the dreaded muffin top over my waist line. I couldn't do it. so i bought some different jeans. my 'fat' jeans so to speak... always hoping I could wear my awesome expensive small jeans...

well if you haven't figured out where this is going yet....

THEY ALL FIT.

it didn't occur to me to try them on until now. but i know I am smaller now... and only headed in the same direction.

[ and they are all still in style... as jeans styles dont change that much, especially not the style I like]... cuz I know 2.5 yrs of dust, could mean an outdated style... but thats not the case.

things are good and weird

2010-04-21T19:07:00.002-06:00

My awesome tenant wants to install a screen door at the house. and wants to pay for it.

my neighbour wants to have my dog over for a sleep over in the backyard with his dog and the tent. I can not explain the weirdness. but he is the weirdest guy ever. so at the same time, its not surprising. Luna loves him. he takes the dogs for a walk, his dog, Zues, is the same size, and is Luna's boyfriend. she LOVES that dog. I'll try to get some pics of them together. its so cute.

it feels like everything is awesome.

i have been feeling awesome. I am going to start doing ( teaching! ) bootcamps soon.

I have a CPR course to attend on Sunday.

I have a naturopath visit next week that will hopefully give me some results... of this veggie only diet I have been on.

and tomorrow is my friday at work

Friday was supposed to be cold and rainy... but the forecast has been updated to only 20% chance of rain and 14 degrees instead of a frigid 5 degrees.

misc.

2010-04-21T09:02:00.001-06:00

The risotto turned out pretty good.

I omitted a lot of things from the recipe cuz I am lazy. I didn't have tarragon, so i used rosemary.
I didn't have asparagus, so i used Rapini.
I didn't have white wine. and I wasn't about to go buy a bottle for 1/2 a cup i needed so I omitted it.

there are some other things I omitted, but i forget what they are.

i added a bit more manchego cheese than called for.

It was the first time I had in a long time that was hot and somewhat creamy.

the texture was far beyond the texture of any steamed veggie. t was warm, hot even, and heavy and dense and a little tiny bit gooey and i loved it and over ate. and the plopped on the couch and watched a movie.

it was a good night. i needed it. [ mostly the warm food that was not 100% veggies.]

the rice was gluten free. I am not sure if all rice is or not, but this package specifically said.. Gluten free.

~~~~~~~~~

in other news... my wardrobe is.... awkward....

I tried on three paid of pants this morning and decided they were all to big and looked sloppy.

the tag on all three said size 8.

I know pant sizes can vary. a lot. I have a size 6 and a size 11 that fit the same.... but with three size 8's not fitting...

i think I may be approaching a size 6 as the norm.

but i am not going shopping... so thats just speculation

I stray

2010-04-20T12:46:00.001-06:00

I am straying from the book tonight.

The book says Asparagus Risotto something or other.

need Asparagus, Tarragon, etc

I am doing a risotto. instead though,

I am using broccoli Rabe [ Rapini]
and I am going to use rosemary.

and I have no idea how it will turn out.

but thats how i roll.

the list

2010-04-19T13:28:00.001-06:00

less eye goop in the morning. Not that it was an issue before, but it existed. now it doesn't really ever exist

i sleep deeper, although I am still a bit tired during the afternoon occasionally. not as much or as bad as before.

i poo daily.

i used to have to blow my nose each morning. One nostril / sinus would be some degree of clogged, if only a tiny bit, is not gone completely

I have not felt overfull since i started this.

i have not felt that horrible hunger feeling either.

i feel level headed

clear

I haven't felt that heavy gross feeling after a big meal, even if you didn't eat too much

my breath as been better. [ again wasn't a problem before, but its been noticeably better]

I have been breaking out less. I still do a bit, but its not as often.

zero sugar cravings [ used to be a huge problem]

I feel calmer, more relaxed

I have lost about 8 lbs

pretty decent list of good things... even if some of them are so small it took me 2 weeks to notice.

sigh...

2010-04-15T22:05:00.001-06:00

I has a tummy ache...

terms...

2010-04-15T09:28:00.001-06:00

terms of endearment I am sure.

I have been told this week more than once....

I looked peaked

–adjective

pale and drawn in appearance so as to suggest illness or stress; wan and sickly.

I guess he did say that people would start to notice that i was doing something different.

Maybe I hoped it would be more " Oh heyyyyyyyy, you look awesome! "

i am sure that'll come soon enough... right?

Veggies anyone?

Lunch

2010-04-14T12:12:00.001-06:00

is YUM.

I get sweet stuff this week! Maple Syrup! YUM yum yum.

Can you name a blog post "Gas" ?

2010-04-14T11:16:00.002-06:00

yea, its about gas.. and not the car driving kind.

Last week I barely ever had gas. which i found weird since i was eating veggies. only. which i thought make me gassy.

but they didn't.

this week i get to have Spelt bread at breakfast.

and now I have gas again.

I'll have to mention this to the Dr. cuz it smells a bit and i was kind of enjoying being non gassy.

just figured you may all want to know about farting and stuff.

Me... before....

2010-04-13T18:55:00.002-06:00

in another world

2010-04-13T12:02:00.001-06:00

In another world, i'd be enjoying the free pizza that has been in the kitchen each and every day for the past 3 or 4 work days.

instead of going in the kitchen, cursing at the sight and smell of it, and walking out with my veggies, or water, or whatever I went there for.

sigh...

my "creamy fruit salad" is pretty good though.

made with goat yogurt.

surprised? or just aware?

2010-04-12T13:13:00.001-06:00

it takes alot of control to look at something, and desire it. but leave it.

I have some of the delicious spread here today. for my mid afternoon snack.

and its still here. i have opened the container 3 times to smell it. but haven't had it yet, I haven't eaten my alloted afternoon snack. yay me.

and I dont know if I am surprised at myself regarding the amount of self control i have, or more aware, knowing i've always had it, but chose to blatantly ignore it sometimes.

Elated

2010-04-11T21:17:00.002-06:00

I just made

Sweet Potato-pine nut spread

does it sound good?

it should.

its so effing good my life will never be the same.

I may have haunting dreams knowing its in the fridge and i get to eat only 2 tablespoons tomorrow.... and I have to leave the rest for another day.

if you though torture was only eating steamed veggies for a week. think again. Torture is having something this delicious in the fridge and being unable to eat it all and lick the bowl after.

MIXED EMOTIONS

2010-04-11T15:29:00.001-06:00

i am all over the place.

happy - I am home. after spending all day going to various grocery stores and the farmers market I am super frustrated with everything and am not going out again today

not happy - i didn't get everything i needed. I forgot a jacket potato. like you would use to make a baked potato

happy - i bought cheese. today ends my vegan-ism and moves me to the vegetarian side of things tomorrow. however its blue cheese and goat cheese only. Velveeta is apperantly not really even cheese. haha

not happy - three tiny pieces of cheese cost me $21. and I realize now that i put back a big piece of blue cheese for a smaller one because I asked how long it would last and she said a week. so i figured i didn't want to throw out blue cheese, so i got a smaller different kind, which i see now was $3.50 more than the big one i put back. DUH!

happy - i tasted the blue cheese and like it. strong! but i like it.

not happy - i haven't pooped today and feel like i should have already

happy - I have lost 3 - 5 lbs already. i ballpark because i didnt know my exact weight before..but definately at least 3 lbs, maybe as much as 5 lbs. Yay me.

happy - i get bread tomorrow! its spelt bread though. so dunno if it is going to satisfy me the way a big baggette dipped in oil and vinegar would.

not happy. - no yummy snacks. i like snacking. i dont get to snack. sigh

happy.and not happy - i have been having wicked sleeps lately. except last night i had a dream my finger was going to fall off, and my ring was cutting of circulation and had to be surgically removed. and my finger hurt and hurt and hurt. and i woke up this am and see that my ring is on my nightstand. which means my finger was hurting and it woke me enough for me to remove my ring and place it on the nightstand.

happy - my neighbor is taking Luna for a walk/run sometimes. she needs the exercise. even if my neighbor is super weird. she is currently off with him. hope she comes back exhausted.

undecided - although this week looks more tasty food wise, its alot more prep work and I am kind of tired of being in the kitchen all the time.

I have an exam on wednesday that I have barely studied for because i lack the know how of actually studying. i rarely did it (studying). i get distracted after 5 min and give up. and i wish i had snacks. feels like I am mostly going to wing it. I am taking wednesday off work. so i will study all day . in theory.... test is in the evening. I will def. be well rested and not have work stresses going in to it. and that alone should help.

there were tonnes of food samples at the farmers market. they all smelled and looked amazing and super delicious. I had none. NOT HAPPY. (but proud.. of will power... cuz the tarts were calling me... big time..)

what i miss

2010-04-09T10:24:00.002-06:00

I am almost done one week of this. Its hard to believe that I haven't cheated.

OK, i cheated last night. because I was watching TV [ Survivor] and really wanted something sweet.

so I ate ONE DATE. as slow as i could. and then promptly forgot about food altogether.

But one date isn't a cheat really, although its not listed as an after supper snack, it is listed as part of breakfast. and so i figured one date would not compromise all i have done this week.

i miss textures mostly. the food i have been eating is mostly satisfying in the way of fullness. and better than i expected in the way of taste. but lacking in the way of texture and pleasure..

there is nothing warm and gooey, like pizza melting. or creamy, like chocolate or ice cream. or just the feel of bread, toast, a pastry. all those textures are part of the joy of eating those things. there is nothing crunchy like chips. and i would forgo the chips just for something to crunch like that in my mouth. and no a raw carrot is not going to do it.

Lunch is more steamed veggies, with spiced steamed chick peas. I get to spice the chick peas with Cumin and pepper, and those will be the first 2 spices I can use this week. so far i have only been allowed lemon juice, balsamic vinegar with olive oil, or sunflower oil.

I am really excited about the CUMIN. i stuck my nose in it for a whiff this morning, and frankly can barely wait to taste it.

but then i think... mmm cumin...reminds me of indian food. mmmm naan bread, butter chicken, the textures. and lunch is somewhat less exciting.

Next week i get blue cheese. I am ok with blue cheese. i dont love it. dont hate it. i hope and think on monday at dinner, i will love it, because the taste will be new, and the texture is going to be a twice baked potato. which might hit the creamy and warm texture feeling.

how about we skip it?

2010-04-08T07:39:00.001-06:00

I emailed him, asking for advice on the diet, and on the race I am registered for.

He said I can skip the herbal teas. I dont drink much tea. I'd rather have water.

he also asked if I can skip the race.

"Not a great idea, can we not do it? "

I haven't decided. right now. I still plan on doing it.

but we'll see how I feel by the end of next week.

it'll be the end of week 2 that is race day.

I won't be racing if I have to go to the bathroom every hour still.

I'm still going to the race, whatever my decision, be it to run, or to cheer. I'll still be there.

BEING VEGAN

2010-04-07T09:28:00.001-06:00

I hadn't realized it fully until I read it in my book.

This first week is completely vegan.

I had always thought that Vegan-ism would be really hard. and that I'd be hungry all the time.

its not as hard as i figured. but perhaps that due to me having a book that is telling what to eat each meal.

i am definitely not hungry. In fact I often find myself forcing down the last bit of breakfast. Because its a lot more filling that I expected.

Oh and an update.....

That whole I am feeling awesome post from yesterday afternoon... was short lived.
I felt awesome for less than an hour. and then it was followed with a big wave of SACK OF HAMMERS.

and

Flax seed oil has quite a pleasant taste. I was a bit worried as I am supposed to have a tablespoon each day at breakfast. Straight up oil. It was quite easy to take. BIG RELIEF.

bogged down

2010-04-07T08:41:00.001-06:00

"Take your clothes off and just relax" she said.

I went for my first Lymph treatment. unclothed from the waist up, i lay on a table with a blanket draped across my chest. its folded up and my stomach is exposed.

she gently gives me a belly rub, taking time to focus on my liver.

Meanwhile I have two Electrode type things down my pants in the crevice of my legs. The part where your leg meets your pelvis. where you bathing suit or underwear would sit.

"It'll draw the lymph down" she said.

It was relaxing. but I wished i could have been asleep. making small talk in certain situations makes me feel awkward. This was one of them.

Soon she is done the belly rub and asks me to move the right electrode. I remove it and she places it on my liver. and I wait for 10 min, taking deep breaths as instructed.

she returns and gives me a liver massage. my liver bogged down. the machine tells her that.

After that I have to place the electrodes under my breasts. and wait another 10 min. deep breathes

and then they get jammed up in my armpits, for another 10 min. more deep breathing

She comes back and tells me that i will have to give myself massages at home. in the shower works best. arm above your head and move your hand down along the inside of your arm, she finishes explaining and adds in

and take time to relax throughout the day. Take deep breaths. it helps more than you realize.

oh, and don't be concerned if you feel worse. some people react to this more than others. so you may feel gross later. Some people dont react at all.

i don't feel 'gross' per say. but i feel bogged down, heavy, my muscles are stiff. with zero reason as I have not excercised at all recently.

which is a whole different issue......

weeeeeeeee

2010-04-06T13:03:00.001-06:00

right now I am feeling pretty awesome. Especially in comparison to how the past few hours were.

i feel clear headed. good warm even body temperature.
Stomach is still full from lunch [1130 pm]

No gassy feeling, or bloating really.

~~

i read in the book that is a particular veggie is unavailable that I can substitute it with another veggie no problem.

Broccoli is now "unavailable"

I do not like it. sorry Broccoli. you are OUT

This diet includes not so cheap things as well. actually, nothing is cheap... but i found Avacados on sale for $0.61 each.... down from $1.19 each... score.

But then...... Flax oil.

1/2 litre. = $23.

OMG

but look at what it can do for you!

hills and valleys

2010-04-06T10:44:00.001-06:00

its crazy how aware i am of the ups and downs of this.

yesterday was a treat. felt ok, then NOT ok, ok, NOT, ok NOT

today i woke up and felt pretty good.

until about 9:30. then i started to feel hungry, or something like that , and went pee for the 6 time today.

at about 10 am I ate my mid morning snack. [ 1/2 avacado]

and now i feel like death. tired, heavy, hot. almost weak.

and I have to poo. again.

did I mention hot?

i am hot hot hot right now.

None of this is meant to sound negative. I am happy. although i would like to be in bed, or on my couch. my mood is good. maybe a bit slow, and heavy, but not in a bad mood at all.

at a loss

2010-04-05T14:43:00.001-06:00

i am so tired. not generally speaking, but actually physically, eye drooping, head nodding, falling asleep where I sit tired.

or stand for that matter.... i could sleep on my feet right now.

I tried walking around my office to get blood flowing.

how do you stay awake when you can't have caffeine?

I am at a loss.

feeling worse as the day passes.

tomorrow could be messy.

didn't even get through typing this post without a couple very long delayed blinks and a couple head nods...

detox diet - day 1 so far

2010-04-05T12:11:00.001-06:00

Breakfast was ok. I ate an apple and some quinoa and a date and a cup of what I will call "Veggie Tea"

The Date was without a doubt my favorite part.

I didnt have any flax seed oil on hand or Grapefruit juice. Those will be added tomorrow after my trip to the grocery store tonight.

mid morning snack - 1/2 an apple. It was good. the other 1/2 is browning on my desk, waiting for me to eat it mid afternoon. I can hardly wait i tell you.

slow on the water uptake, [ goal 3 L ] but thats probably cuz I have to pee every 2 seconds and am subconciously trying to make that happen less.

Lunch - steamed veggies. Potatoes, carrots and brocolli. I am allowed to season with oil and vinegar, or lemon juice. but i forgot. so they are plain. steamed. thats it.

they are OK. Taste like veggies. I am bad at chewing.. i dont chew nearly enough. so i am focusing on chewing. makes the veggies more juicy. but also more monotonous.

I haven't had any physical sugar cravings today. but i have had a few psychological ones.
makes me wonder if they are all psychological.....

20.5 days to go.

will it get easier? or harder?

I am not sure which day I suspect will be the worst. but I am guessing it'll fall in week ONE.

.... and I talk about poo

2010-04-05T09:05:00.001-06:00

"Are you high?"

~~~~~~~
This weekend was pretty random to say the least. I started the herbal supplements on Thursday. They are all pretty much to help me produce healthy stomach bacteria.

My insides have been less than healthy for quite some time. I have never been one to have regular bowel movements. few times a week at best for a while now.

I've come to a point where i am sick of the side effects. the lethargy, tiredness, lack of energy, bloating, gas, you name it.

I am dumping my toxic load.

now... this is all personal speculation.... but it seems reasonable, and explainable.

I started the herbals on Thursday evening.

They are meant to help my body purge the toxins. By way of healthy bacterial balance. so the toxin purging started on Thursday,.... but the first toxic 'dump' if you will, did not happen until Saturday around lunch time.

so.. you wonder... what happens when your organs are dumping toxins, but your body is not dumping anything....

you get high.

its the only way I can explain it.

I was bat shit crazy all day on Friday and Sat morning until I had that first 'dump'

I found that I could not find words to make simple sentences. complete and utter lack of focus. I had the attention span of an aphid. I said random things.

to subway guy when he asked what I wanted: " hey, whats up " [ everybody laughed]

I found almost everything insanely funny. to the point where i would still be laughing about it 10 - 15 - 20 min later. even by myself.

The subject of wiener water [ hot dog soup? ] came up and I lost it for a while. Tears streaming hysterics.

I could barely focus on a game of cards and had to repeatedly ask what suit was Trump.

Hypersensitivity to everything. the elastic of my pants, the texture of the chap stick. the feel of the cushion beneath my behind. Everything.

it was somewhat euphoric. but i was to air-headed to even really enjoy it.

i had an insanely overheated sleep on Friday night. half woke up wondering why my shirt was wet, but fell back asleep before consciousness.

Saturday morning I asked for help cutting veggies cuz I knew that me and a knife wouldn't work out well.

Then I pooped. and I was fine.

What happens when you pay attention

2010-04-01T15:03:00.001-06:00

you start to notice things you didnt before. Or see things you chose to ignore.

I am starting an extreme Naturopathic diet on Monday. To fix my insides. My digestion has never been amazing. its time to do something about it.

more on what i was told later.

for now.

McDonalds.

Big Mac Meal.

11:47 am.

It was good. damn good. its part of my eat anything i want that crap until monday whe i have to start this diet.

I liked it. I skipped most of the fries, but ate the whole burger and drank almost all of the cola.

By the time I got back to the office [ work] I was hot, sweating even. behind the knees, armpits and inside of my elbows. My face felt hot and my lower back was starting to bead.

I would have taken off my sweater to cool off, but I only have a tank top on underneath and didn't feel it appropriate for the office. My feet were hot too and i dreamed of taking off my shoes.

but my feet sweat. and so was worried they may smell already so i didn't.

Enter in the flushing. my face is red. visibly. and my neck and forearms and armpits are itchy.

so are the top of my feet now that i think about it.

its currently 3:00 pm.... and i am still reacting to the big mac.

I have no doubt thats what it is. zero doubt.

my cheeks, still hot, feel a bit puffy as well, if i really sit and think about it.

if I didn't think about it, I'd just pass it off to the office being wonky and someone messing with the thermostat. but no one has said its hot in here today. and everyone still has sweaters on. so its just me.

me and my big mac.

Never the same again

2010-04-01T09:05:00.001-06:00

I went to the grocery store with some co-workers yesterday to buy a lottery ticket.

I bought a chocolate bar and they bought a lottery ticket.

Life will never be the same.

it will be a battle to not have this on hand, to not have a piece of its velvety goodness in my mouth for every minute of every day.

I will think of it, and long for it. always

no promises

2010-03-31T15:11:00.001-06:00

on regularly returning to the blogging world. but maybe

I gave Luna a birthday since I don't know her real one. - its Today!!

I bought a chocolate bar i have not seen before. Lindt Dark, with Chili. I am in love and have ate all of it, save for one square. The life of that square....it not going to be long.

I am having a horrifically hard time focusing on work lately.

I have an appointment with a Naturopath tomorrow. One that came highly recommended. I have high hopes that I can find a path to a healthy digestive system, not plagued with bloating and gas.

I totally love talking about poop. I'd do it with a perfect stranger. I hope he asks tomorrow.

Speaking of poop.... I am seriously considering starting Colon Hydrotherapy treatments as well. but will discuss this first at my appointment tomorrow.

I really love bread and bread products, but am considering giving them up. Except for maybe one day a month, on which I will likely make myself sick by binging on them, since the thought of never having bread again is too hard to bear / bare [ i really don't know which one is right at this moment in time.....it'll come to me later]

uh oh!

2010-03-30T15:05:00.001-06:00

I have registered for a 16km road race on April 18.

My first ever event.

I haven't run for over 2 weeks due to life getting in the way.

work all day followed by a course all evening leaves no time for running!

19 days until race day.

so exciting!

Easy Street

2009-10-07T13:28:00.001-06:00

Things are falling into place. Easily.

I got an awesome roommate.

I rented the garage out for more than its worth until June 2010.
I get to keep one of my downstairs tenants who is hardly ever home

I have an awesome awesome dog

I got my hair dyed, reddish. i dont love it but it is growing on me

I cut some of my own side bangs.

I found jeans that fit awesome for $11.89

one thing that would make my life a million times easier...?

Not having major internet blockage at work...

Doggie Desire

2009-09-20T19:23:00.003-06:00

watching the other dog eat food... wishing she didn't inhale hers so fast..

My new dog!

2009-09-15T15:46:00.001-06:00

I got a dog!!!

isn't she pretty?!?!!

Slivers

2009-09-10T11:15:00.001-06:00

so after work, and after beers after work, i went home. I decided, since it was nice out, I will start on the fence.

Chain link fence. building it. alone.

so far so good. I have almost one section done.

supplies used? small household hammer, long long nails, pliers for a wrench, and a whole lot of zip ties to attach the fence tothe poles and stuff.

it may not look pretty, but its not going anywhere.

need more supplies.

need someone to extract the 15 - 20 slivers I have onthe back of my left hand... didn't see the thistle plant.

doesn't feel good.

Not for cakes

2009-09-09T12:07:00.001-06:00

this blog is not for cakes.

I am in the process of getting my very own shiny cake blog. Sorry Goggle, moving to wordpress for that!

Address revealed soon.

I have a wizard working on it.

This blog is for blogging.

about life/ and how awesome it has been since I ditched the dude. the one who was a total psycho.

no need for details. Bygones be bygones.

one thing I am glad I have done this year. No TV. No cable. not channels. I have a TV, incase aI want to watcha movie, but i have zero channels.

I have not missed it. my life is fuller now that i dont have a PVR at my disposal. to tape and watch all these shows that do nothing to enrich my life.

i will miss survivor amd may find a way to fit that in though. lets not lie about it.

what have I been up to?

Cake!

Dogs!

working! 2 jobs, althoughs ome could say i have many many

Passion parties?

real estate?

you name it. I have been busy.

current project - building a chain link fence in my back yard. alone.

any helpers willing to volunteer?

This weekend - getting a foster dog. baking a cake for a party Luau style, visiting a possible adoptive dog. Purdy, having a frined come stay from edmonton, travelling passion party show,

cleaning my house, taking the foster dog for a walk. and trying to get some sleep in before monday rolls around.

what are you doing?

My first Paid Cake.

2009-09-05T16:37:00.002-06:00

I made this cake.

I got paid for it.

its the third cake I have decorated with Fondant. in my WHOLE LIFE.

i am SOOOOO proud of myself!

Cake!

2009-09-04T14:45:00.001-06:00

I decided today, that whenever I get married,

I am totally making my own wedding cake.

And everyone will be all like.

OMG the cake is SOOO good, and GORGEOUS!!

where did you get it?

And I’ll be like.

I MADE IT BITCHES!

I can see it all now…

Your item was not delivred successful...

2009-08-19T09:04:00.001-06:00

Your item was not delivred
successfully(CANADA T2K) at 2009-08-18 13:40:00

Timing	Site	Status
2009-08-12 15:59:00	City of Shanghai	Posting
2009-08-12 16:05:00	433	Despatch from Sorting Center
2009-08-12 23:44:12	SHANGHAI	Arrival at Sorting Center
2009-08-12 23:51:03	SHANGHAI	Despatch from Sorting Center
2009-08-15 05:16:00	CANADA VANCOUVER	Arrival at Sorting Center
2009-08-15 05:16:00	CANADA VANCOUVER	Handed over to Customs
2009-08-17 11:40:00	CANADA VANCOUVER	Released from Customs
2009-08-18 10:54:00	CANADA T2E	Arrival at Delivery Office
2009-08-18 13:11:00	CANADA T2E	Attempted delivery
2009-08-18 13:19:00	CANADA T2K	Attempted delivery
2009-08-18 13:40:00	CANADA T2K	Attempted delivery

wow... it appears the guy just hung out on my front step and knocked on my door every 20 min to see if i was home yet.

3 attempted deliveries in 39 min.

and now I have to go to the post office and get it myself. Crazy people.

Spelling Fail - Red letters above.

My Painting....

2009-08-18T09:48:00.001-06:00

Your item was released from Customs(CANADA
VANCOUVER) at 2009-08-17 11:40:00

Timing	Site	Status
2009-08-12 15:59:00	City of Shanghai	Posting
2009-08-12 16:05:00	433	Despatch from Sorting Center
2009-08-12 23:44:12	SHANGHAI	Arrival at Sorting Center
2009-08-12 23:51:03	SHANGHAI	Despatch from Sorting Center
2009-08-15 05:16:00	CANADA VANCOUVER	Arrival at Sorting Center
2009-08-15 05:16:00	CANADA VANCOUVER	Handed over to Customs
2009-08-17 11:40:00	CANADA VANCOUVER	Released from Customs

Cake!!!

2009-08-16T14:31:00.001-06:00

born to be....

2009-08-14T17:25:00.002-06:00

a cake extraordinaire?

i have made my first batch of Fondant.

it was SO FUN.

i loved it... i have not used it yet, but it is made.

Cake is cooled, i am just patiently waiting for the butter to assume room temperature so that I can make my first batch of Butter cream icing to ice the cake

is it too soon to quit my job and go back to school to be a baker? and open my own Cake Shoppe?

Note: I need glass mixing bowls.. the plastic ones i have are not going to cut it. Nope. NOT CUTTING IT

The start of something Cake

2009-08-14T14:36:00.002-06:00

i have always loved making cakes.

my sister in law and i used to bake and decorate a cake every thursday

every single thursday, ad then we would eat it and watch Survivor.

How much better can it get?

I am back on the cake band wagon. I want to bake cakes again.

I have been to superstore a few times, to buy baking goods,

flour, cake flour, shortening, icing sugar, rolling pin.

I am searching for an hoping for donations of cake tins, and mixing bowls, and plates big enough to hold a cake once decorated.

I want to get so so good at decorating cakes.

I want to be as good as the show - the ace of cakes.

i dont think i knew how much i loved cakes.

but i thinkof baking a cake, and i really do get giddy.

so.. prepare yourself.. for some Cake.

Also,

i will make cakes for people. if you give me some warning. they will be free, but i will accept donations to pay for ingredients.

Cake!!

For the love of all things

2009-07-28T07:53:00.001-06:00

Today, at the water cooler at work, I was filling my bottle, and a co - worker noticed I had a large Dragon fly resting on my pant leg.

Hanging out. not moving, but clearly alive.

He must have landed on me in the parking lot.

we talked about him for a minute as he sat on my leg.

we brainstormed about what to do with him.

11 flr of an office building is no place for a dragon fly.

We moved him into a paper coffee cup.

I took him down the elevator. 11 floors as I smiled to myself since the other elevator riders really had no idea they shared their day with a dragon fly.

across the lobby, outside.

I moved him to the bush outside. I wonder if he landed on me to die. he looked very lethargic.

I'll go see if he is there at lunch

would you have taken him outside? 11 flrs down?

or just killed it?

Curious....

2009-07-16T15:26:00.001-06:00

this is very curious indeed.

http://www.adn.com/2835/story/864687.html

Where's my wallet?

2009-07-15T08:39:00.001-06:00

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/science/article6681923.ece

Can I get some baby pictures please??

Love tothe N'th degree

2009-07-14T09:16:00.001-06:00

there are no words. to describe how much I love sleeping. It seems lately i would prefer sleeping to doing anything. and not because I am sad or lonely or depressed. [ at least i don't think, as I am pretty happy lately]

I just get great joy out of sleeping, thinking about sleeping, being on the verge of sleeping. being anywhere near my bed.

This morning i woke up on time, unlike yesterday when my alarm was set for PM and therefore I slept in until 8:30 and I should have been at work at 7:30 but i got to work at 9:30. Yay me.

...back to today... I showered, got dressed, played a couple know-it-all challenges on facebook [ cuz if we are being honest, i am addicted a little bit] then i went in the bedroom and saw my bed. and I had a love pang in my heart, and I looked at the clock, and it was only 6:28 am. and I did the quick mental convincing that i do in fact have time to lay down again, so I did.

I laid down, fully dressed and tossed the still warm covers back over me and i silently rejoiced. how wonderful it felt to have my head on my pillow, which feels like puffy clouds. how awesome it was to crawl into warm sheets, how lovely it felt to have my arm draped over one of the extra pillows, how happy my feet were to be snuggling into the bottom mess of blankets, and how awesome the sheets felt on my bare feet

I closed my eyes, and just laid there, willing myself not to fall asleep, as I so easily could have, but the alarm was off, and I had to be at work. i smiled to myself repeatedly. i burrowed deeper into the covers. I rejoiced that i dont have to work my second job tonight and greedily thought that if I wanted, i could come home and at 4:30 pm, be back here, in bed, until tomorrow.

reluctantly, I threw off the covers and sat up. put on some socks, ate breakfast, made lunch, and left for work.

The time I went back to bed, only amounted to 7 minutes. but so far, its been the best 7 minutes of my day.

the same....

2009-07-09T12:16:00.001-06:00

Peaches and Nectarines are the same damn thing.

one is fuzzy, one is bald.

otherwise I can really tell no difference.

so when someone says, i dont like peaches, but i like nectarines...

now you will know why i look at them like they are just a bit more insane than I am.

they are the same thing.

something new

2009-06-18T16:01:00.001-06:00

i was reading Advice Smackdown

and today it was about Milia

which I had to google.

and turns out i have it to!

i just didn't know there was an official name for it. but now I can tell people.

or not.

but i have it.

and i jab at them with pins.

even ones on my eye lids [ that are rare anyways]

I get them mostly on my cheek bones and under my eyes.

feeling uneasily OK

2009-06-17T11:06:00.001-06:00

Its a crazy time. Torn between fear and confidence.

I am fearful that at any given day, my life would be tossed upside down.

But I am taking steps, no matter how small, to ensure that I will come out on top.

Multiple streams of income.

I have a career job. I work at it every day. It pays my bills. Its my life line.

But i have other little lines floating, with bobbers, so i can always find them, they may not keep me afloat, but they will keep me from drowning, I know they will help me find my way

I have a part time job at a golf course. I only started, but it'll add a bit extra / month to the dwindling bank account.

I started a home based Business. I am not putting all my eggs in this basket yet. but I am hoping that with time and effort. it'll pay my bills. so i dont have to rely on the career.

Maybe one day the Real Estate Market will even turn around. and I can profit there too.

here's to hoping.

bliss

2009-05-27T09:49:00.001-06:00

I remember my bed.

I sit at work, trying to focus, and all i can remember is my bed. The sheets felt like a dream this morning.

dreamy enough that I got up when my alarm went off and set it for one whole hour later and crawled back into the dream

little later to work then usual

but in the picture of life, it doesn't matter. and that hour meant more to me then the 15 min i showed up later to work would mean to them

The traffic was slower moving, the radio on.

I called in to win tickets.

caller 10 they wanted

i was caller 2

and then again

I was caller 8.

not destined to win.

that was the first time i ever even got through.

restless

2009-05-26T08:54:00.001-06:00

I can't sleep these days. Not like I used to. Not like last week, last month.

But life is not the same.

eyes have been opened.

With every new experience, one can never go back to how they were before.

there is no return, to how life was before, each and every experience.

i can't sleep, but i am excited. with every day, i get more excited.

new ring

2009-05-25T08:10:00.001-06:00

I went, randomly, to a house party on Saturday night.

Clinton, whom i have not spoke to for at least 14 months, sent me a text.

"are you free? Fun times here, you should come, [insert house address]"

so i went. I was not doing much. I had just left a BBQ at Travis' house.

Clinton and his friend Steve were there, along with 50 - 60 other people. or i should say hippies.

the smell was very hippie-ish. smoking herbs, un-showered bodies, no deodorant.

there was drums. and people playing them. there was a didgeridoo. there was hammocks, and hula hoops and poi.

there was henna and hemp, and dreads on almost every head. there was very few bras, and essentially zero under wire.

it could have been a scene from Thailand, or any tropical third world country, where these people would frequent.

I got a ring, its made of coconut. it fits my thumb perfectly. and I love it.

*the hammock picture is form the internet, not the party, but that is the style of hammock that was all over the back yard, for use and for sale.*

Motivated

2009-05-20T10:52:00.001-06:00

I find it a bit funny that i am more motivated by the pain of exercise then the feel good factor after. This weekend i went on a hike to Mt Yamnuska with my friend. We took the hard "climbers" route and not the family hiking route. No, we dont know why, seemed like a good idea at the time. It was hard. very very hard.

and steep.

and rocky

and rock slide-y

and I have bruises on my butt cheeks as I found out last night. from the times when i was too tired to go on and had to sit on one of the rocks. which were very sharp.

the whole ordeal took 4.5 hours. of intense work. the whole time. because on the way down we encountered thigh deep snow on several occasions and had to slip and slide and toboggan on our butts to get down.

good thing it was +17 *C outside.

We got to the car and enjoyed a deliciously, epic beverage. Lychee sparkling beverage from Superstore. if you have not had it. go buy some. you will not be disappointed.

We hurt. well i hurt. I am sure she did to. But i FOR SURE hurt. and I felt like I would willingly do it all again the next day, even though i doubted being able to walk the next day.

The next day we went swim suit shopping. funny, trying on swim suits when it is hard to even bend over. i was in continuous search for a one peice. and low and behold, I found one.

it was the one I brought in that was the most unlikely in my mind.

looks like an old lady cougar suit. because it is a halter top neck, that has a split all the way to my belly button i the front. thats right.. allllll the way down.

and it has a sash around the hips. and big square shiny things on it. and its Black and white polka dots.

sounds delightful. I know. in a trashy sort of way.

but then I put it on, and wow. it gives me a figure which is not quite there when I look in the mirror. and it makes me look tall and sleek and fit. and I am kind of not these days.

and i could wear this swimsuit and feel 10 lbs lighter. which makes me think that most people would then do nothing because it gives them the look they want.

but i feel oppositely... if I look good in this ta my current weight... how good can i look 10 - 15 lbs lighter.

and so the motivation comes from the pain of hiking, and finding a glorious swim suit that makes me look where I actually want to be.

is that weird?

um

2009-05-11T16:46:00.002-06:00

as it turns out the guys downstairs did not order pizza and they got woken up too because i sent the pizza guy to the side door

lucky my note wasn't actually that nasty..

heh heh

Rude Awakenings

2009-05-06T07:41:00.002-06:00

I curl up into bed with a good book, read until my eyes start to droop and its time to go to sleep.

The clock reads 10:27 pm. Respectable time for bed. some days its still been light out.

I turn out the light and drift into sleep un aided by any cold medications, just blissfully tired.

the sheets are in perfect position, you know, when you are perfectly content in your little cocoon..

dream land. come to me.

DING DONG

DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG

I fly out of my slumber, confused, annoyed, wondering if it was real.

DING DONG

i get dressed into more appropriate attire and go to the door.

" Pizza?"

um no. I did not order pizza.

you live at ...... you order pizza.

No, i am sure I didn't. try the side door.

I slam the door and crawl back into bed. its 2 am. i lay there, awake, startled, annoyed, trying to fall back asleep. to no avail, I peek out from under the blankets.

2:40 am.

UGH!

i finally drift off to sleep. only to wake up a short while later

3:40 am.

I see the humour in the time being exactly one hour later. I still curse again and roll over.

4:40 am.

I see the clock again... sick joke.

5:40 am.

beep beep beep beep.

I think I may be tired today....
I hope the note I left at the back door was direct, but not as harsh as my tired body would have liked it to read

Endings

2009-05-01T08:41:00.002-06:00

last night I met up with the Ex to exchange final stuff and have that conversation...

should we get back together? can it work?

The outcome was no, it won't work

"but maybe I'll get to the point where that would be OK, I would be OK with..." he says

I told him. with sadness and touch of venom in my voice.

" I need to live my life now, not when YOU'LL be OK with certain things, my life is NOW"

he looked a bit shocked. but i think that the clarity I wanted him to have came with it.

I think he may have understood what i meant. As I meant it.

new car for a day

2009-04-29T09:35:00.002-06:00

so I dropped my car off this morning to get an oil change. and a light fixture and hopefully a bill of good health

and i got a car to drive in the meantime because I work out in the middle of nowhere now that we are not downtown.

in fact we are so far out in suburbia, that my boss refers to downtown as "the city"

" i am going to the city office today" He'd say.

anyways, the car.

Early 90's I would guess. Subaru Forester. Oddly enough, its forest green.

and the windshield appears to be taped on with masking Tape.

awesome.

they do have a point.....

2009-04-28T21:42:00.001-06:00

out of the habit

2009-04-23T08:52:00.001-06:00

and been pretty busy

having to move offices, and move houses, and feel like my life has moved all together.

next step is to file taxes. Maybe I'll get back a chunk of money and take off to Vegas for a weekend.

who's in?

...

2009-04-15T07:23:00.000-06:00

after 14 months, its over.

starting over again.

On TV

2009-04-14T08:49:00.002-06:00

Sometimes I feel like my life could be a sitcom on TV. Like when the whole family gets together.

9 adults.

and all but one of them has read some or all of the Twilight series.

and the Easter bunny happened to bring a Twilight board game.

and my sister in law gets our her Twilight t-shirt that she happened to have 'randomly' in her bag.

and we all sit at the table and play the Twilight board game. and we all know entirely too much about the plot.

It actually kind of makes me want to read the books again. or at least watch the movie again.

unexpected gifts

2009-04-09T13:27:00.002-06:00

So I came to work this morning with no breakfast. Starving. Wondering if I am not too lazy to go down to mac's and buy a muffin or something.

and this lady comes into my office. This lady that until today, I didnt really like.
all because of a few comments last year.

Are you expecting?
no
OH, I thought I saw you waddling down the hall last week.
[stunned silence]

so since then, she has been on my "not favorite person list"

until today.

she came to work with breakfast, Tim Horton Breakfast sandwiches, muffins and donuts for everyone.

I had one of each. I wasn't hungry anymore.

She's made it on to my " ok, you have a second chance" list

safe places

2009-04-07T13:38:00.001-06:00

i think that i should just accept that regardless of how hard I try, I will never BE organized.

Its April. Tax season. I am so not ready. i don't have all my papers together. I don't really know where they all are. Last year i filed past the deadline of April 28.

I filed my taxes in AUGUST. that means TAX bill. because I owed money. and so I had to pay interest.

You are welcome. tax dollars hard at work. My dollars.

This year i was all gung ho- got my T4 early even.

and put it in a safe place......

anyone know where that is?

I'd love to know.

welcome!

2009-04-06T09:47:00.001-06:00

I am pretty sure I have pink eye.

awesome.

Falling on 30

it's ok to be alone.

more luv

my new life

I wanna be a part of something I dont know

pop quiz

No Title

the weekend - END

pills

a little while later..

if you had any doubts before...

science project

it gets worse

oh man

umm

tonight

new policies

i made it

AND!!

things are good and weird

misc.

I stray

the list

sigh...

terms...

peak·ed

Lunch

Can you name a blog post "Gas" ?

Me... before....

in another world

surprised? or just aware?

Elated

MIXED EMOTIONS

what i miss

how about we skip it?

BEING VEGAN

bogged down

weeeeeeeee

hills and valleys

at a loss

detox diet - day 1 so far

.... and I talk about poo

What happens when you pay attention

Never the same again

no promises

uh oh!

Easy Street

Doggie Desire

My new dog!

Slivers

Not for cakes

My first Paid Cake.

Cake!

Your item was not delivred successful...

My Painting....

Cake!!!

born to be....

The start of something Cake

For the love of all things

Curious....

Where's my wallet?

Love tothe N'th degree

the same....

something new

feeling uneasily OK

bliss

restless

new ring

Motivated

um

Rude Awakenings

Endings

new car for a day

they do have a point.....

out of the habit

...

On TV

unexpected gifts

safe places

welcome!